Any emotion apparently lasts 90 seconds, according to science. I was incredulous when I first heard that, because I’ve had emotions last decades.
It appears that it was a choice–it was I who unconsciously made that emotion last decades. Sounds like self-blame, only in this case it is scientifically true. Any emotional reaction on its own chemically lasts for 90 seconds, according to scientist Jill Bolte Taylor:
“Essentially, when you look at cells in the circuitry of the brain, every reactivity is simply a group of cells performing their function. From the moment you have the thought that there’s a threat and that circuit of fear gets triggered, it will stimulate the emotional circuitry related to it, which is the fight-or-flight reaction. That will trigger a physiological dumpage of usually norepinephrine or anger into the bloodstream. It will flush through you and flush out of you in less than 90 seconds. So from the moment you think the thought that triggers that whole cascade of events to the chemical flushing out of you takes less than 90 seconds.”
The entire linked article is worth reading.
I especially like her advice:
“Look at the second hand on a watch. As soon as you look at it, you’re now observing yourself having this physiological response instead of engaging with it. It will take less than 90 seconds, and you will feel better. Of course, you can always go back to thinking those thoughts that restimulate the loop. There’s probably a thought somewhere in your brain of somebody who did you wrong 20 years ago. Every time you think of that person it still starts that circuit. When things are getting hot and you’re getting hot-headed, look at your watch. It takes 90 seconds to dissipate that anger response.”
Given my childhood, I felt I had to grow into an adult too soon–I was trying to fend for myself at a relatively early age. The flip side of this is that as an adult, my inner child has often held sway.
The only way to prolong an emotion is to feed it, to marinate in it, to relive it. My inner child, unaware that I’d grown up and was now able to take charge, continued to remain in the emotions of helplessness, resentment and anger I’d grown up with.
That has changed over the years of writing fiction, as I’ve watched my characters grow and evolve. It has dawned on me that an emotion is just that. It can be pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral. I can look it, be in it for that moment, and I do have the choice to let it go.
Getting angry or upset is such a natural fallout of the world we live in: whether it is our political realities that are becoming increasingly self-centred and inhumane, or our personal ones, which may not always be desirable.
Taking a step back to observe the emotion, letting the body work through the 90 seconds of it, helps me stay centred. I keep my breathing even as I observe the anger or the upset, and can then react from a place of calmness. Instead of being swamped with emotion, I feel more in control. This is the practice of mindfulness taught by Thich Naht Hanh, whom I discovered during a rather turbulent phase of my life.
I love his take on mindfulness:
“When we are rooted in mindfulness, we can see clearly what is unfolding within us. We don’t grasp it and we don’t push it away—we simply recognize it. When we are angry, mindfulness recognizes the anger. When we are jealous, mindfulness recognizes the jealousy. When we acknowledge the presence of fear or sadness in us, we don’t judge it and say that it is bad. We simply observe every occurrence in our body and mind with our mindfulness, and greet whatever arises without praise, reprimand, or judgment. This is called “mere recognition.” Mere recognition does not take sides. The object of recognition is not our enemy. It is none other than ourselves. We acknowledge it as we would acknowledge our own child.“
The characters in my upcoming novel have this conflict between seething on injustice over decades and being able to let it go, and take the pause and space to react from a place of stillness.
Stress, anger and negative emotions impact our health: chronic stress is not great for our heart or kidney or liver, and trying to escape it often leads to addiction.
Life and writing had already taught me the need to pause before reacting from an emotion, but the reality of the 90-second biological process was a shocker. I gave myself much longer to recover and to dwell in the emotion. Turns out, the body is ready to let it go much faster.
How do you handle an emotion? Have you developed a personal practice to not let your negative emotions take over your life?
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This makes sense. Holding onto an emotion is our choice, but we often believe we have no choice but to cling to that crippling feeling. When we learn to recognize, observe, and allow it to pass through, it becomes easier to let go of damaging emotions.
Hi Damanti – I used to get stressed, and occasionally very upset – but now I’m too old to worry! Age catches up … so I let things wash over me … and try not to get caught out … I leave off, if I’m frustrated with things. But yes – that 90 second ‘rule’ seems a very good idea – cheers Hilary
I had no idea about this 90 second rule. I do hold on to emotions for a longish time – both good ones and bad ones. I like the idea of ‘having the choice’ to let an idea go. It gives me so much power.
Absolutely! The feeling of taking power back into our own hands and controlling our emotions instead of letting them control us is so motivating.
Damyanti, you have given me food for thought! I have some thoughts and emotions about certain people and it has been over two decades now. The 90 second process is news to me. As I’ve become older not wiser I have tried to be more forgiving of myself and others but it’s a slow process. I love Thich Nhat Hanh’s books.
Yes, it can feel agonizingly slow sometimes. Often, the progress occurs so gradually that it’s almost impossible to recognize over the short term. But, after giving myself years to work on my mindset and attitude towards lingering emotions, I realized how important it was for me to keep pushing forward. One step after another, always stumbling over ruts in the road and struggling up endless hills, but moving ahead nonetheless.
❤️❤️❤️
Thanks for stopping by, Pam!
I would say the hardest knocks to take are the ones where you yourself have no control (no agency, in modern terms). This is where the injustice lingers most. As well as mindfulness, I would recommend logic. When I’m really worked up over something I try to focus on what has happened as a process, and work out a reasoned approach.
Personally, I do have an unfortunate tendency to dwell on things. I find there are a only a few activities that will quell the mind chatter; the most effective of which is writing.
Yes, it can be so difficult to understand the reasoning behind the wrongs we may incur at no fault of our own. “Why me?” seems to be the question that lingers most. And perhaps, “What could I have done to prevent it?”. Sometimes, there’s nothing we can do but accept and move on. Sometimes, there truly is no one to blame, least of all ourselves. Writing is one of my tactics to take my mind off things, or to simply pour it all out and allow it to take on a more meaningful form.
It’s hard for me not to be frustrated at work right now. I want to get back into a consistent meditation practice, but it’s hard to restart.
I’m sorry you’re going through a hard time. I completely understand where you’re coming from — it’s so frustrating when self-care is forced to take a backseat because of the constant hustle of work and responsibilities. I hope you manage to find time for yourself.
The 90 second rule might be good enough for a short time, but those emotions stay and if unchecked might keep bubbling. With age I have learned to let go and that has brought me a lot of peace and quiet, in both my life and mind.
I can see where you’re coming from. I’ve struggled with addressing my emotions, which led to my reliving past experiences and negative memories without understanding why it was so hard for me to let go. I’m so happy to hear that you’ve managed to overcome that and find peace.
I was not aware of this 90 seconds rule. Now I will try to be mindful. Thanks for sharing.
I’m glad it was helpful for you!
The chemicals flush, but the thoughts remain. And they’re as powerful as the chemicals and require some effort to be removed.
Absolutely. The thoughts are like ghosts, flitting back and forth in one’s mind and acting as reminders of the emotions we’ve had to overcome.
I know from experience that emotions caused by negative events in my life last a lifetime and even though one may be able to get over the hurt in time the events never leave our memory and are resurrected by triggers frequently. You are right emotions do affect health positively or negatively and one needs a plan to daily counteract those triggers.
Yes, it’s difficult when the negative emotions sometimes override the positive and keep us from recognizing the beauty of our lives and experiences. One bad thing can cast a shadow over so much good, and it’s a battle we may feel like we can never win. The armor we build up over time can keep us from hurt, but also from fully embracing new things. The balance between protecting ourselves and opening up is hard to navigate.
One of the presidents I worked under illustrated the pain I was feeling about an injustice suffered at the time by illustrating this way. He showed me his leg that had a scar on it and said that when it happened it hurt badly but now while the scar remained it didn’t hurt anymore but he was aware of the scar.
FWIW: I sent a reply to your post via email Reply – I don’t see it; maybe stuck in your queue?
What is your preferred way to get comments?
I never know what the best way to comment is any more; it’s all over the map which will accept comments on site, which only by email reply…
Hi Alicia, thank you so much for commenting. WordPress glitches sometimes, but I don’t see your comment in any approval queue. I didn’t know there was an option to reply by email–usually everyone just comments here. I’ll check through my mail to see if I can find the comment from you. I do appreciate your comments and kind words each time you stop by.
I’ve gotten much better at the mindfulness Thich Naht Hanh describes.
That’s lovely to hear, Liz!
“The only way to prolong an emotion is to feed it, to marinate in it, to relive it,”
This is such a wonderful and enlightening post, Damyanti. I think I am just like you, I’ve lived my life trying so hard to not feel and ignore my negative emotions… and as you said, doing only leads to addiction. Am gonna dedicate most of my free time, especially in the morning and late at night, to practice meditation and mindfulness. Sometimes, we think we are in control, but come to find out our deeply embedded trauma are still with us, like a circuit ready to get fired and wired.
Thanks for this timely post, as not an hour ago, I had an epiphany and deep realisation of how we operate in autopilot, and hence, we fail to recognise the roots of how we feel which thus influences our thoughts and actions.
It’s incredible how the things we’re looking for can happen at such opportune moments, and when we least expect it. I’m so glad you liked the post, and I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts. I’ve found meditation so helpful, and it’s amazing how sitting in silence and stilling the mind can do so much good. Living on autopilot may be useful when trying to keep life running smoothly, but we miss out on so much in the meanwhile.
When I worked as a counselor, I came to the conclusion that our emotions are the primary motivators for every single one of our choices, Damyanti. It’s a good reason to practice mindfulness, study our thoughts, and seek clarity. It’s wonderful when our choices are ultimately healthy ones, though not always easy ones. That takes insight and has the benefit, sometimes, of changing our state of mind into one that’s happier and more peaceful.
Thank you for sharing, Diana! Some of the toughest choices and changes we make are the ones which will ultimately be the best for us. It’s a lifelong effort, but so worth it in the long run. I love what you said about practicing mindfulness, studying our thoughts, and seeking clarity. I’m working on integrating all three into my life, and it’s been so helpful for managing emotions.
A “lifelong effort” is so right. Taking a “this too shall pass” view of our struggles can help a lot.
Thank you for sharing!!.. I just follow my heart and that lasts a lifetime!… 🙂
Hope all is well in your part of the universe, your path in life is paved with peace, love and happiness and until we meet again….
May the love that you give
Always return to you,
That family and friends are many
And always remain true,
May your mind only know peace
No suffering or strife,
May your heart only know love and happiness
On your journey through life.
(Larry “Dutch” Woller)
That’s wonderful, Larry! Thank you for stopping by!
Fascinating opportunities for dynamic character development, Damyanti, replacing one set of emotions for another.
When feelings control thoughts, choices, speech, and actions, those emotions cause negative behaviors. Chaotic emotions reign in characters with faulty belief systems, masking the inner need to change. A character’s belief systems serves as the benchmark (e.g., the desire to will and act to the highest good of others). The right belief system emphasizes the need for inner change.
Characters who realize the need for change often go through several try-and-fail cycles. As the stakes increase, their success or failure to change shapes the story’s trajectory.
Fun exercise!
I’m glad you enjoyed it, Grant! Your analysis is excellent, and it gives such a good foundation for writers to understand how they can structure their characters’ emotions and internal processing abilities to resonate with everyday choices and ultimate goals. Just as we can be complex and layered, our characters have the potential to be representations of who we are and what we’re going through. Characters are the reason we get to write the stories we want to write. Thank you for sharing some of your wisdom.
Thank you, Damyanti! Often it’s the characters that turn casual readers into loyal fans.
That was interesting. Didn’t know any of it.
I always learn so much from your blog, I’m glad I could return the favor!