Gustave Flaubert once said something that summarizes my state of mind today:
I am irritated by my own writing. I am like a violinist whose ear is true, but whose fingers refuse to reproduce precisely the sound he hears within.
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So true – I felt comforted once when I read that no work of art, no matter who the artist, overlaps 100% with what the artist had in mind, and long form novels are especially vulnerable to this kind of asynchronicity. Congratulations on your publishing accomplishments – came across your Blue Monsoon (now reading) when I was looking on Goodreads for contemporary examples of works with multi-POV! – would love to learn more about how you decided on plot, POV etc.
We all struggle with this.
I think we all feel like that sometimes. Just don’t give up. Because, honestly, you are a beautiful musician. 🙂
I hate it when that happens.