Social media angst has been a part of my daily life for the past two decades I’ve been online. I really started getting on platforms like FB and Twitter around 2006-2009, and much as I loved getting back in touch with school and college friends, it added a slow-building stress to my routine.
First came the joy of connection, followed by the overwhelm of over-connection, and then the frustration and spiraling from the flood of information and negativity. I’ve been trying, ever since then, to use social media and not let it use me.
I can’t claim I’ve succeeded. I’ve bought books based on recommendations on social media, and have in turn recommended tons of books. Inevitably, I’ve spoken about my own work as well. It’s also undeniable that social media helped with my writing profession in the initial years: making connections, developing a whisper network, spreading the word about my book.
It has followed a law of diminishing returns though.
In the last two years, the amount of time I’ve put into social media hasn’t led to a dramatically increased number of connections (it’s humanly impossible to genuinely stay connected after a certain point), or book sales through the roof. It has given rise to many interesting conversations, but I’ve had many more through groups I’m now part of, even off social media.
So it might feel like I’m being an ingrate, and blaming social media angst for my troubles. Maybe that’s even true.
All I know is that my creative and mental life improved a ton in the last 70 days I’ve sworn off posting on socials. I’ve lurked in author groups, but beyond that, my interaction has been minimal.
In the usual course of things, plenty of interactions lead to social media angst. And though I hardly ever express it (I try to steer clear of controversy and arguments), on some days the things certain people say make me question why I put myself through the grind.
The answer, as always, is friends. That’s the same reason I keep blogging after 16 years. Friends who are a source of wisdom, support and normalcy.
If there were a way for me to get all my friends and my wonderful contacts under the same virtual roof, I’d do that in a heartbeat, and say goodbye to most social media.
Even more than the negativity and social media angst, it’s the fakery and lies that bother me. I recently took part in a brief Cambridge University survey (you can refuse to share your info and still take part if you want to figure out if you have a nose for fake news) and found that I’m skeptical enough to disbelieve true news and consider them fake. I didn’t get caught by false news, but I did believe some genuine news articles to be fake.
I try to fact check anything I post, but increasingly, in a post-truth world, where opinions masquerade as facts, I’m exhausted enough to say I’m okay with the end of social media. For me, at least. Maybe I’ll just turn a lurker on the lists of folks I like, but not add to the conversation myself.
Be it the lies, the negativity, or the distraction, social media really seems to have fallen out of favor with me, and I’m saying I’m okay with that change.
What about you? As authors and readers, what are your thoughts on social media? Does social media angst ever get the better of you?
——————————————————————————————————————-
This is the first Wednesday of the month post for the Insecure Writer’s Support Group. Founded by the Ninja Cap’n Alex J. Cavanaugh, the purpose of the group is to offer a safe space where writers can share their fears and insecurities without being judged.
This is a wonderful group–if you aren’t a part of it, I urge you to join in! The awesome co-hosts for the posting of the IWSG are Nancy Gideon, Jennifer Lane, Jacqui Murray, and Natalie Aguirre!.
If you’re looking for a literary thriller set outside the West, and love books by authors like Lisa Gardner, Tana French, Jodi Picoult, Mary Kubica, Ruth Ware, Rachel Caine, Ivy Pochoda, Louise Penny or Harlan Coben, check out my literary crime novels, The Blue Bar and The Blue Monsoon on Kindle Unlimited now. Add to Goodreads or snag a copy to make my day !
And if you’d like to read a book outside the series, you can check out You Beneath Your Skin. Find all info about my books on my Amazon page or Linktree. If you have an Amazon account, a Follow will really help my ranking stay afloat.
—–
If you liked this post, you can receive posts in your inbox, or keep updated on my writing by clicking on any or all of the following buttons:
GET CURATED PUBLISHING RESOURCES SUBSCRIBE TO BLOG JOIN DAILY(W)RITE ON FB FOLLOW ON BOOKBUB
Discover more from Damyanti Biswas
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
Thank you for sharing!!.. I use to do social media a few years back, enjoyed chatting with folks but a change were taking place and I no longer enjoyed the experience and I found out I did not need social media… there are many ways to socialize and share thoughts with others… 🙂
Hope all is well in your part of the universe, life is all that you wish for it to be, your path in life is paved with peace, love and happiness and until we meet again….
May flowers always line your path
and sunshine light your way,
May songbirds serenade your
every step along the way,
May a rainbow run beside you
in a sky that’s always blue,
And may happiness fill your heart
each day your whole life through.
May the sun shine all day long
Everything go right, nothing go wrong
May those you love bring love back to you
And may all the wishes you wish come true
(Irish Saying)
I stopped social media entirely, Damyanti, and just stick with my blog for my social online presence. I couldn’t keep up and that alone made me anxious. I love blogging and am committed to being engaged – it’s where most of my social life happens. 😀
Hi Damyanti – I use my common sense … but I don’t really do social media – only blogging and a little FB – just keeping in touch with friends, but not wasting my time faffing around. I wonder about the future and our descendants … but I’m not going to waste time on it… take care – cheers Hilary
I don’t dedicate nearly the time I used to on SM, it’s all encompassing. I have dramatically cut down on sites in the last few years. 🙂
I dont do much social media these days. Just keep up with some friends, including friends I’ve never met but are friends from online (like you). I read something about an editor completely revising half a women’s book to make all the language and references relevant to today’s 30 year old. Well, I’m happy to become an old fogey, I think. Maybe I’ll stop doing all sorts of things. But I still enjoy blogging. And thank you for stopping by so often, I really appreciate it.
I enjoyed meeting bloggers but after a while I found it hard to find time to blog – it takes time from other writing. Recently I’ve started to delete FB notifications unless I have time on my hands and that doesn’t happen often!
I can’t quite give up social media (FB and IG) as it is one of my only ways to keep up with friends in Canada and elsewhere. But I understand the anxiety issue, Damyanti. I have tried to minimize the scrolling of Threads lately as the political and social posts have increased and it’s one more way to feel negative emotions. Sadly, I have unfollowed friends on FB because of negativity. Our emotional health and peace are important, so we do what we can to embrace those things over social media.
So true. I think I’ve succeeded in clearing a path through the cloud of social media angst which used to hang over me, and I’m realizing how much calmer and clear-minded I’ve become since doing so. But, like you, I still maintain some links to online platforms in the aim of maintaining connections and relationships I’ve formed over the years. I’m sorry to hear that you had to unfollow some friends and that the negativity affected you in that way — I hope you’re doing well.
I only use Pinterest and Instagram, the latter to keep in touch with friends all over, and stick to blogging and podcasting for content marketing. These work the way I want and it helps to stay out of the angsty places social media can take a person. Our mental health is much more important than the (mostly) fake news-cycle and negativity that can be found online.
Absolutely, I couldn’t agree more. I find that social media has been so detrimental to my mental health, and it’s been a relief to drag myself out of that rut. Although work still has me chained to my computer for longer than I would like, I have much more time to do the things which bring me peace and calm.
Good to hear 🙂
I haven’t been as active on social media lately. But I’ve always promote other authors and their books, interesting writerly articles and liked jokes/memes I find funny. Anything negative I stay clear of.
I try to do the same. I love seeing other authors sharing their success, and the occasional tidbits of humor I stumble upon are always very welcome.
I relate to your thoughts on social media, Damyanti.
Thanks for sharing, Yvonne!
I’ve recently joined the new social network for artists – Cara – and the community is amazing. Just kind artists commenting on others’ art thoughtfully! It feels very much like the WordPress community. Probably the secret sauce is a common interest or common goal of members? I try to replicate my Cara experience on other networks by using lists and by muting.
That sounds so lovely! It’s wonderful to hear that you’re having such a positive experience with it. I’m not much of an artist myself, but I’d like to check it out. Art usually brings me much joy and I always appreciate discovering new artists and the countless ways of putting their creativity to work. Thanks for sharing your experience!
The link to Cara is cara dot app (I do not want to add a link so that my comment does not look spammy!) I had never used instagram, but all the artists who did say they are really happy to have found the Cara community as their new home!
BTW it’s really cool that you have been blogging for so long on wordpress dot com! I am here since 2012 but most of my little group of blogger friends have left! So, I am perusing the Discover section of Reader again 🙂
I recently caught a programme on the radio about social media, in which a commentator talked about what they called the ‘enshitification’ of FB (I believe the more common term was something like ‘platform decay’) FB became popular by keeping the advertisers and spammers out, until they had overcome the opposition. Once they had a monopoly they let them all back in to help themselves to the captive audience. My FB feed is full of rubbish – so much so I can barely get to posts by my contacts. I don’t look at it often now. Blogging takes up a lot of time, which I can’t afford, but at least it’s a more pleasant experience, connecting with (mostly) kind, principled, respectful people.
That’s very interesting, I had no idea. With profit being the main objective, it really does seem like these platforms are being allowed to decay and to encroach upon the user experience in the name of greed. I almost wish I could return to the early days when I viewed social media with such excitement and the positives outweighed the angst of it all. Blogging is definitely one of my favorite ways to stay connected nowadays.
I use Facebook and Instagram almost daily (I quit Twitter/X) but I’ve noticed that it has become increasingly toxic and the bots has become increasingly annoying so I view at as a medium you have to limit.
Agreed, the negativity is overwhelming at times.
I was into the social media scene when it first started with such pioneers as Yahoo and U Tube which morphed into the YouTube it is today as part of Google. And when Yahoo social folded Multiply in turn folded and there were others which I soon discarded. Now I’m primarily using WordPress for their hosting of my stories and poems but have them linked with FB and LinkedIn. You can waste a lot of time on sites like Instagram and Threads and even FB where the porno sites are constantly trying to trap you into taking a peep often accompanied by a virus. Fortunately, a good virus program like Trend blocks all those spurious sites scattered innocently there. I think it all depends on what your goal in life is. If you want to accomplish anything useful use the sites to keep in touch with friends and avoid just connecting with anyone who asks to connect with you who you don’t know. Don’t let the site control you. Check these contacts friends to see if they are likely to be hackers or nutcases. There’s too much trivia to waste time on there. It’s a test to see who controls who. Are we in control of the site or does it control us?
That’s a good question. For a while, I felt like social media was taking command of my life, but I’m glad to say that I’ve clawed back some semblance of control and balance between the digital world and reality. Time-wasting and endless scrolling were major parts of my day, and one of the many aspects of online platforms which really enforced their detriment to my productivity and energy levels. And the hackers, viruses, and scams are absolutely everywhere. I agree — time on social media is definitely much better spent just maintaining friendships and staying connected to the positive communities.
When you’e chronically ill, as I am, many if not most of your support system is online – there is even a group of Writers with ME/CFS on FB. Plus my usual support groups. This was ESPECIALLY important starting when the pandemic did, as we are in the ‘vulnerable’ group, what with already having so much that doesn’t work properly.
People who are healthy can do so many things I can’t – and forget that the cost of going out, for us, is prohibitive, and the outings don’t restore us anywhere near enough to compensate. I’m not sure I would have even been able to write without the support – completely self-contained is not all that possible in this world, and the thought of never selling would have been a complete deterrent given that ALL my usable energy that I have ANY control over goes into my novels.
If some people are consuming too much and prefer to stay off, or even just lurk, good for them. My kind – we need desperately a place where our unique limitations don’t keep us from participating. Where we don’t have to explain. Where we’re not ‘special.’
Where we can still contribute.
Thank you for sharing, I really appreciate being able to read your perspective on this. You’re absolutely right, the communities and shared experiences which social media can bring together are invaluable. It’s so crucial to have a safe space where understanding and compassion are a given, and it’s lovely to hear that you have that. I’m glad that you found such wonderful support online and that it helped so much with your writing journey. Wishing you all the best!
I use it to promote our Catholic page.
Social media can be very helpful in that aspect. I suppose it also has a lot to do with how we use social media, bringing intention and method of usage into account, that affects our perceptions of it.
Online communities have become very important to my creative life. Social media for its own sake is getting very wearing. I’ve already gotten rid of X and Instagram. I’m in the same place you are with this: “If there were a way for me to get all my friends and my wonderful contacts under the same virtual roof, I’d do that in a heartbeat, and say goodbye to most social media.”
It would be so wonderful to have a way to maintain the friendships and connections I’ve formed through the multitude of social media platforms I’ve tried over the years, even if I minimized my presence on the apps themselves. Like you, I find the online communities incredibly helpful, and I wouldn’t like to give that up.
It would! I’m not sure how, at this point.
Social media is a ginormous waste of time. You quickly learn that you really don’t care what anyone thinks…
I do find that there is a lot of oversharing on social media, alongside the negativity.
Yes! Social media is a weird time sucker. I do still do Instagram regularly, but that where I post most of my art. And of course, I blog.
Agreed, it can be so addictive — hours whiled away scrolling through social media or simply trying to keep up with everything that’s happening in the digital world.
I find it useful for keeping in touch with people whom I’d lose touch with otherwise – lack of time for phone calls etc.
Same here, the connection it provides is something I’m still appreciative of.
Blogging is the extent of my social media connection. I am ok with that. There is some trickery/falseness there too, but I believe much less than in other feeds.
Blogging is definitely one of my favorite ways of keeping in touch with online friends, seeing what everyone is up to, and taking a glimpse at their corners of the world.
You nailed it! I, too, am disappointed, disillusioned, and disconnecting. The bloom is definitely off the rose with SM. I post only occasionally on my IG feed and I haven’t posted to my MB blog since early last year.
Many of us, I think, are finally at the conclusion that this monster called social media has done more harm than good (for some of us). I often dream of the day I have the courage to let go and shut it all down, and live my life LOCALLY, where I am.
The question is: what will truly be lost when I do let go? How much are we actually connected? Online friendships are different than the in-person ones. I know I will grieve for a short period of time but then I’ll let go and move on.
Hope you can, too, someday.
Thanks for commenting and sharing your experiences, Denise! Social media has definitely left me much more cynical than the initial rose-tinted view I first saw it with, and I’m grateful to have been able to take a step back and realize just how damaging it has been to my mindset. But I’m so grateful for the people I’ve met along the way — they’ve been such an incredible support system, source of knowledge, and force of positivity.
Damayanti, I hear every word you say. I know for a fact that when I stay away from social media I don’t miss it. One of my publishers strongly feels that social media doesn’t impact sales to a large extent. I’m not sure about that but with his experience, I would like to believe what he says.
I feel a distinct sense of relief whenever I’m off social media, especially with the amount of time it frees up for me to write and be more involved in my life outside of the virtual world. As for what your publisher said about the correlation between social media and sales, I can definitely relate. Although, I have seen other authors whose experiences are the complete opposite of mine, so I think the results can vary a great deal.
It mostly makes me angry. I have one guy who puts out a daily Dog Humor Meme. I live for those.
I can relate. But the Dog Humor Meme sounds like a nice pop of fun!
I’ve had more good experiences with social media than bad, but I definitely agree with you about the law of diminishing returns. Less is more when it comes to social media.
I’ve learned that the hard way! That’s a lesson I always keep in mind whenever I step into the social media realm, and I try to limit my time there as much as possible.
I’ve missed you, but this is definitely food for thought. I don’t spend as much time posting either, but to a certain extent, I’m still on the hamster wheel. Can’t say I miss social media when I’m off it, and I’ve realized how much time I’ve wasted just scrolling. It’s meant to be additve, so that’s on me. I’m sure you’re doing exactly what suits you and there’s nothing wrong with that.
I’ve missed you, too, and I’m sorry I haven’t been stopping by as often. My hamster wheel is mostly made up of work these days, and it’s been a relief to have social media be less of an everyday presence. I can’t count how long I used to spend scrolling and how much angst I would end up with. I think I’ve managed to find a bit more balance and I’ve definitely been able to make time for more personal freedom outside of the digital world.
I use social media primarily for sharing posts from people in the blogging community, as well as my own. Occasionally, there are conversations with online friends, but I ignore all the political crap. That makes it a lot easier. 🙂
Very true, and I try to do the same. Being on social media feels almost like walking a tightrope — it’s a constant balancing act.
I start with a simple question, Damyanti. “Is what I’m doing right now helping me achieve my goals?” For example, I’m answering your question because I believe most writers who want to reach their target readers would be better served by building on their own website and publishing periodic newsletters. My posts this month focus on helping writers reach their audiences based on practical solutions. That’s my long-winded way of saying I no longer do social media, and instead, use Search Engine Optimization (SEO) to find and serve my audience.
A lovely way of continuing to connect with your audience while fending off the social media stress. I really enjoyed your newsletter post! It was so helpful, especially since I try to send out regular newsletters, and I admire the amount of effort you invested into doing research.
Working on SEO is an item on my to-do list that keeps getting pushed down.
The Internet is the bathroom wall of the world. We can’t take any of it at face value without checking further, even the news.
I still enjoying blogging but only for the friends I have made here.
An apt description, Alex. I like how you phrased it — “bathroom wall of the world”, indeed. But the friends I’ve made amidst the chaos are true gems!