The Author Life is Real: Pain and Healing
Sometimes a book you write is indeed all about pain and its healing. The heart and mind may have let go, but the body remembers. My body hurts as I put the final (for now) touches on this one, and I’m sending it to love and light. I’ve discovered that the author life is not for the weak of heart.
On occasion, pain is a lesson. At others, pain is perceived punishment or the path to redemption. This story has taught me not to avoid or hide from pain but to acknowledge it, stand tall, and ask it what it wants of me.
When you confront pain, it will confess to you its secrets and its longing.
Some of mine needed soothing— and there’s no deeper hug than the one you give yourself. Another part of it needed an airing out— it vanished once it was heard. The leftover is just the habit my body-mind has used as a coping mechanism over the decades—to seek the love and validation it lacked.
I hope it would be disappear once this story is exorcised. I need to thank it, and watch its passing. Living the author life is also about learning to let go–we hold on to our hurts too hard. I no longer wish to wear pain as a badge— I may have suffered and come through it but that’s in the past. There’s a reason we’re gifted the ability to forget.
Words have immense power.
They can hurt like no other weapon, causing a cancer that lasts for decades. They can also heal, and this year my writing has taught me how to heal myself.
As always, it is a work in progress and I know I’ll fail time and again. All I can hope is I’ve learned to accept failure, and the spirit and wisdom to fail better each time I try, stumble, and fall.
Onwards and upwards.
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If you’re a reader, do you wonder what part of the story is true to the author’s real life? If you’re an author, do you find that your writing heals you?
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Thank you for sharing!!.. I am not an author but I write my blog by letting the fingers do the walking and the heart do the talking and find happiness in sharing thoughts with other folks world over, bringing brightness to the day, pushing any pain away.. “Life gives us brief moments with another, but sometimes in those brief moments we get memories that last a lifetime, So live that your memories will be part of your happiness.” (Author Unknown)… 🙂
Hope your path in life is pain free, paved with peace, love and happiness and until we meet again…..
May flowers always line your path
and sunshine light your way,
May songbirds serenade your
every step along the way,
May a rainbow run beside you
in a sky that’s always blue,
And may happiness fill your heart
each day your whole life through.
May the sun shine all day long
Everything go right, nothing go wrong
May those you love bring love back to you
And may all the wishes you wish come true
(Irish Saying)
Interesting comments on an interesting post. Sometimes, yes, writing reveals truths to me. But if writing helps to heal me, it’s not as therapy but more as exercise helps. I love writing, it’s fun, I discover so much, I stretch and wriggle my brain and so of course I feel better. The topic, what I’m writing about, has little to do with the excitement and satisfaction I get from writing. Odd, isn’t it?
The caring for and, eventual death of, my mother got me writing my first actual book. Because it was a vivid re-telling of my journey through her cancer and death, it was the most cathartic words I’d ever written. Tears streamed down my face as I wrote most of that story. I didn’t realize until a few years later just how healing that process had been for me.
As you said, words have power. How we use them can help us, and perhaps others, heal with our stories. Pain is but one vehicle through which we learn and grow.
Hi Damyanti – certainly when my mother was ill, and I’d started blogging, it was a pleasure to come home and connect with positive commenters from around the world (it still is!) … my mother was entranced hearing about the connections … writing still inspires … cheers to you for your books – Hilary
Sometimes my writing had been cathartic and healing, though there has been at least one topic that got me thinking about going to therapy which I did not follow through on. I’m intrigued by the idea of asking the pain what it wants of me. Letting go might be the answer since I don’t know what really happened and never will. Acceptance maybe. Then there’s the possibility of imagining the best and writing that happy ending. Thanks for nudging me to think about this in a therapeutic way.
“I’m intrigued by the idea of asking the pain what it wants of me” — a beautiful statement. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, and for making me realize how important it is to accept and move forward.
Unfortunately my pain seems to want me to stay home and watch TV; I’m not sure that’s the right message I should be listening to.
Beautifully expressed Damyanti. Like you, I find healing in writing. <3
Thank you for sharing, Debby!
Most welcome. 🙂
Thank you for sharing your insight.
Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to comment!
Writing helps me because its one of the few things that shuts out the constant mind chatter. And the act of working to create something worthwhile definitely helps our sense of well-being. I am a little nervous of this idea of writing, or indeed any form of artwork, as therapy though. In my experience, the artist’s own therapy project frequently doesn’t make for a worthwhile book, film, picture, sculpture, etc.
Absolutely! I’m never more focused than when I’m working on a book project. Even when I’m not writing, I’m constantly thinking about the next part of the story and how to tie everything together. The worlds we create in our imaginations are so powerful, and stepping into another author’s writing universe is often such a privilege. As for the idea of writing as therapy, I see what you mean. I do think that personal experiences can play a huge role in how a creation turns out, so I can definitely see the outcome differing depending on the individual.
Writing therapy should only be judged by how successful it is in helping you process emotions. Making it publishable is a matter for rewriting. I didn’t start writing my best stuff until I stopped writing about myself, but I still do write for therapeutic purposes from time to time; it’s how my brain works.
Writing has been cathartic to me – I am less lonely, less sad and more attentive to my inner-voice… lovely post, thank you, Linda xx
It is weird how sometimes I don’t notice I have a migraine until I sit down to meditate and be mindful of myself.
I think my earliest writing excised most of my demons, Damyanti, and healed some substantial wounds. Maybe that’s how this craft hooked me. It felt so liberating and intensely personal. I’m glad you had that experience. I think it makes our books better.
I’m so happy to hear that! It’s wonderful how writing is capable of bringing both joy and healing, while allowing us to process the negative emotions which we avoid talking about. I’m grateful I had the experience, too, and I completely agree — my stories and characters have benefitted a lot from it.
Regular exercise is necessary for me to deal with stress or health issues. Writing is purely for the fun of exploring the story images that go through my mind.
Exercise does wonders, I agree! Yoga and nature walks are my form of stress relief.
Stress hormones, evolutionary speaking, as supposed to kick in when we are in physical danger. Not allowing our body to respond to stress with physical motion just turns the body against itself.
I had to think about this for a while before commenting. When I’m in distress, I turn to reading rather than writing. Reading someone else’s words is distracting and sometimes comforting.
As for cathartic writing, it can certainly be helpful as a way of acknowledging and dumping out painful and destructive emotions. But often it’s best to keep it private, or to share it only when it has been converted to something bigger with a story readers will find relatable and not too raw.
Thanks, Damyanti, for the opportunity to think about this topic.
Thank you for sharing, Audrey. Like you, I often find comfort in reading. The familiarity of my favorite books and characters tend to calm me down or simply allow me to escape reality for a moment and come back refreshed. I completely understand how writing about vulnerable topics and painful emotions can feel too personal to share with the world. I have files of stories which I’m not ready to share, and it’s sometimes nice to go back and reread my old writing with fresh eyes and to see how far I’ve come since then, both in mind and heart.
I could never read when I’m distressed. I can watch a sitcom or Star Trek. That distracts me.
Everyone has to find their own way to deal with distress, that’s true.
I found this on Goodreads which I do not use enough but had difficulties making the author profile up and running. I think it is interesting some of the cross overs of our lives and our characters.
Agreed! It’s incredible to see the connections which bring us together, despite our individualities, like a giant spider web.
It was my pleasure. Thank you for sharing your experiences and helping your readers work out their way through similar experiences too. ❤️
Thanks, Shweta! I’m glad it’s helpful.
As an author and editor, I don’t subscribe to the romantic notion that writing heals suffering. I always taught my students that analyzing literature is about the text itself, and that the author’s life is not important. What truly matters is the structure of the text, regardless of how and why it was created.
Nevertheless autofiction is fashionable after Knausgård’s books. But you understand these texts without knowing anything about their author’s life.
I do think that we sometimes look too deeply into the emotional aspect of an author’s stories, comparing them to the author’s life and taking fiction as truth without proof. I myself am guilty of getting too attached to an author, simply because their books hold such a special place within my heart and because I can’t bear to think of the creator in a negative light. Of course, I’ve long since become disillusioned, perhaps too much so, and cynicism seems to outweigh romanticism these days. Yet, I do still consider writing to be one of my outlets for difficult emotions and pain which needs processing, and I’m so thankful for all the healing and growth which my recent projects have helped me undergo.
Chinese literature is more likely to take the long view than Western literature. In western novels, society rises and then declines and then that’s that. In Chinese literature, dynasties rise and fall, but China remains and renews.
Writing doesn’t have to heal suffering in of itself. It relieves pressure on the wound until a healing process can begin. Like applying first aid until I can get to the doctor.
Art’s aim is not healing but to make us see the world and ourselves in a new way. It’s the romantic concept of connecting suffering and producing art. But now we live in postmodern times.
Lovely and reflective thoughts Damyanti. Love it.🥰
Thank you, Arlene, I really appreciate it!
In college, I was taught not to try making a connection between fiction and the author’s life, although the thought does enter my mind when I read certain things. (I know that literary criticism has done a 180 since then.)
Dear Liz
That’s an old idea of literary criticism, after (especially French) structuralism we look at how the artefact is structured and its history of perception.
Wishing you a happy weekend
Klausbernd 🙂
Yes, I know. When I went to college, I think my literature profs were the last of the New Criticism old guard.
Yes, I try to focus on the story for what it is, rather than how it may or may not relate to the author’s personal experiences. Unless, of course, it’s a true account of the author’s life.
Makes sense!
I have one foot in both camps, depending on if I’m trying to understand the theme of the story or how to use the writer’s methods in my own writing.
Yes sometimes I think it obvious that a part of a story is based on an author’s personal experiences.
Alex mentioned that, too. I was also saying how devastating it can feel to read about an author’s pain and vulnerability.
I am a reader and have certainly been helped along the healing road by so many writers. thank you one and all.
That’s so wonderful to hear! I’ve been impacted by the stories I’ve read in more ways than I can count, many of them positive, so I have the utmost respect and gratitude for the authors who seek to connect with their readers on an emotional level.
They can help one heal. Although some books I worry that there is part of the author in there. Like Stephen King. What kind of twisted childhood did he have to write what he does?
That’s a good point, Alex. I feel like a number of authors write from their experiences of trauma and suffering, which is such a heartbreaking thought.
Well said, Damyanti. Cathartic gets thrown around, but you pinpointed why writing does so much more. Regardless of the original intent, writers have a superpower: with stories, they can shape the lives of young and old, and along the way, many find healing, too.
A beautiful way of putting it! Thank you for sharing your own interpretations of the post and for reiterating just how significant of a responsibility writers have to their audience.
You’re welcome, Damyanti. Some writers seem to discount the responsibility and accountability they have to readers, treating a privilege as if it’s a right.
I started writing after a horrible injury when I couldn’t work. All these years later, it’s still a very welcome distraction from chronic pain. An interesting post. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing, and I’m glad you found it interesting. I’m so sorry about your injury and the chronic pain. I completely understand — I find writing to be one of the best ways to keep me going when I’m struggling with illness. Although the sore wrists and stiff spine which comes with hunching over a laptop can sometimes be a bother, too!
Definitely!
As a reader, I think it’s likely that many authors draw from their personal experiences and feelings. I’m glad writing has been therapeutic for you, Damyanti, but I can’t imagine you failing. You’re so talented! Writing short memoirs has been cathartic for me – releasing all the painful baggage, so to speak. Excellent therapy! 🙂
That’s so sweet of you to say, Debbie! It’s good to hear that writing is your emotional outlet, too, and that you find so much relief and reassurance from it. I know what you mean. I feel both lighter and brighter after a writing session spent working through the heavy thoughts which I can’t bring myself to talk about.
How do we not draw upon personal experiences? That is what makes up our subconscious that more romantic writers call their Muse.
Hi Damyanti 🙂
Just some random observations (off the top of my head) …
Writing is definitely therapeutic (at least for me 😉 ). I often wonder about the distinction between “fiction” and “non-fiction” (for example: where do “religious texts” belong?). Some people believe it’s not possible to think without words.
🙂 Norbert
Thank you for sharing, Norbert! Like you, I consider writing to be a form of therapy — it helps me process the thoughts and emotions which I have difficulty expressing through speech, and I love becoming so engrossed in my writing world that the stress of reality fades into the background. Even if only temporarily, the escape enables me to return to my responsibilities more motivated and refreshed. I found your ponderings so interesting! You’re right, the distinctions between fiction and non-fiction can sometimes be so blurred. And as for thinking without words — I don’t think I could!
I guess it depends on what you consider thinking. Certainly a lot of cognitive functions depend upon language, but animals and birds have often demonstrated a cleverness that doesn’t require language.
I know a lot of people write for this reason. I am so glad it works for them. I write because I’m so dang curious!
I can tell! I always learn so much from your blog, and I love how your curiosity extends to sharing new knowledge with others.
This post resonated with me. Writing can truly heal indeed. I have experienced that as well. I’m glad that you’re on your way onwards and upwards, fuelled by the power of words. More power to you.
This story has taught me not to avoid or hide from pain but to acknowledge it, stand tall, and ask it what it wants of me.
When you confront pain, it will confess to you its secrets and its longing.
These lines in particular resonated with me a lot.
Thank you, Shweta, that’s lovely of you to say. I’m glad that you connected so deeply with this post. One of the reasons why I share my experiences and introspections is in the hope that they can be helpful or meaningful to anyone who sees them. I feel like the power of words is becoming increasingly apparent to me every time I write a new book, and I’m so much more aware of my responsibility as a writer. I’m grateful you chose to stop by and share your thoughts!